


can't you hear me saying, please don't leave me

by Authors_Restraint



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Identity Issues, like not even a little bit, s8 is not relevant, sansa wants jon to stay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:22:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21572941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Authors_Restraint/pseuds/Authors_Restraint
Summary: hold on, I still want you
Relationships: Jon Snow/Sansa Stark
Comments: 13
Kudos: 82





	can't you hear me saying, please don't leave me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys. So this is yet another sad fix from me. Unfortunately I'm in one of those moods again and this was the only way I could deal without wanting to scream and rip my hair ou. I was gonna change the ending but then decided not to. This one isn't for everyone.

"You're leaving."

Jon looks up from the pack consisting of his meager belongings, and faces his cousin. It's strange calling her that but she's never really felt that much of a sister to him, has she?

Her back's to the door of his chambers and the way she's looking at him . . .

Jon's certain that such a look will haunt him for the rest of his days.

"Yes," the word feels heavy on his tongue.

Sansa purses her lips and her expression tightens. She stares at him then, the way she'd looked at him after he'd returned with Daenerys. And even after the war, and his aunt's and her dragons' deaths, she still hasn't thawed towards him.

Not that Jon was expecting her to, but he's tired of walking on eggshells around her.

He's so tired of  _ everything _ .

He did what he had to so all of them would survive and he  _ knows _ that Sansa's understood that. He knows that but most of the time it doesn't  _ feel _ that way because she's taken to avoiding him.

Hells, Arya can't even look at him without scowling and Bran's not even  _ Bran _ anymore. The Northern Lords sneer at him and call him  _ Lord Targaryen  _ and Jon . . .

Jon feels like fourteen again when the Lady of the castle despised and ignored his very existence. 

He knows things are different now. 

He knows Sansa doesn't hate him but he can't help but feel like it's the same all those years ago when she'd turn up her nose at him because that was what she'd been taught was proper. 

(The voice in the back of his head reminds him that he wasn't at all innocent either, remembering the way he used to laugh with Arya at what he'd foolishly presumed was Sansa's silliness.)

It  _ hurts _ . 

So he's leaving.

He doesn't yet know where he's going but he knows that he can't stay here. Winterfell was his home once and he'd longed for its presence whilst on Dragonstone, and in the midst of the war, but it doesn't feel like home anymore.

First he'd been a Snow trying so hard to act himself a Stark, and now he's a damned Targaryen who's fucked his aunt and lost the trust of his people.

Jon doesn't belong here.

He never did and it's cruel to keep pretending otherwise.

"Why?" Sansa whispers.

Jon feels his heart constrict at hearing the pain in her voice. But, she should be happy. His presence has only made things harder for her. She has to deal with the Lords and Ladies angry at him making their displeasure known in loud, passionate ways. She handles them expertly like every bit the Queen she is but she's exhausted.

From the few times he's seen her since he's recovered, he can tell that she's tired. Jon won't have her suffer the stress of his presence any longer. She deserves peace.

He's leaving for both selfish and selfless reasons but that's alright. He's not worth Sansa having extra burdens to deal with, but he's also not going to stay where his existence is mocked and his very birth blamed for the wars that happened more than two decades prior. They look at him and see the thousands that died, and hate him for it. And they take it out on Sansa.

He won't have that. Not now, not ever.

"I think it's best for everyone that I do."

"You mean for yourself," she snaps. Jon can feel irritation begin to bubble within him but calms himself. She's upset and angry and so he doesn't take the bait.

"Sansa, I don't belong here anymore. Don't think that I ever did."

"You  _ do  _ belong here. It's your home just as much as it ever was." Her words are matter of fact.

"Is it? I'm not a Stark. Have never been, now never will be."

She opens her mouth to respond, but Jon holds up a hand. "I can't stay here anymore, Sansa. I can't keep my head down and avoid everyone's eyes like I used to before. I'm tired of it. You realize that this is the first time in months that you and I have spoken?  _ Truly _ spoken? You want me gone, just as much as I want to leave."

She draws back as if she's been slapped and her entire expression shifts. "You think I want you gone?  _ Really _ ?"

"Don't you? You've been avoiding me since the war. I'm not as slow or stupid as people think I am, Sansa. I can take a hint."

"I'm sorry that my responsibilities aren't as important as pandering to your feelings," she spits. "I've done everything I can to defend you to the Lords, done everything to defend you to Arya and to anyone who'd dare disparage your name. I sat by your bedside for days whilst you were unconscious, took on all of your duties," she pants, her chest heaving, tears streaming down her cheeks and Jon feels like the lowest creature  _ ever _ , "all to keep you  _ here _ . And you stand here and tell me that I want you gone? You think me that cruel."

She doesn't voice her final statement as a question and it cuts deeper than the blade that took his life.

"I don't think you're cruel, Sansa. I don't . . .  _ Fuck _ ," his eyes burn and now he feels like he's about to cry. Nothing could wound him more than seeing Sansa in pain. And nothing hurts worse than knowing that he's the one who put that desolate look in her eyes.

"I  _ know _ all you've done for me. I know it. I can never repay you for that but Sansa, you shouldn't have to do all of that for me. You're exhausted. You deserve rest."

"You're an absolute  _ fool _ ."

A muscle ticks in his jaw, involuntary response to her ire. She's itching for a fight. Jon won't give it to her.

"You think you leaving is some misguided way of protecting me and giving me a better life when in reality, you're doing what I thought you never would."

"Aye, and what's that? Since you seem to have me all figured out."

" _ Run. _ "

Jon clenches his teeth. Sansa puffs a breath. It sounds almost like a laugh. 

"You're running. You can't handle your problems anymore so you're running. And you're trying to dress it up nice by pretending that you're helping me."

"I'm not running."

"Yes, you are."

"I'm not going to fight with you on this, Sansa."

"No you're not. You've already made up your mind."

She sniffs then wipes her eyes and her cheeks. "I don't want you to leave Jon. I want you to stay. I do but . . ."

She sighs. Jon can only stare, feeling a sudden loss for words. 

"If you choose to leave, if you really, _ truly _ want to, I wont force you to stay. You're a grown man. I can't make your decisions for you. I wish you find all the happiness that's left in the world. You deserve it. You deserve to be happy. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"You as well, Sansa," his throat feels thick. "You deserve to be happy . More than anyone."

Sansa purses her lips and wipes her eyes again. "You must tell Arya yourself when you've come to your decision. I'll not have hear this from anyone else."

She doesn't spare him a glance as she leaves.


End file.
